All His Fault
by sonofabitchjerk
Summary: How Derek blames himself for the death of his family, for being manipulated by Kate and therefore causing their death. How he blames himself for Laura's death. It all goes back to the worst mistake of his life, Kate Argent and he'll never forgive himself because it's All His Fault.


**An: Ok so this is what I wrote for the MTV Teen Wolf FanFic Contest but unfortunately I read the times wrong and missed the deadline. :( but hey I still get to share it will you guys so here you go! Please tell me what you think :)**

* * *

Derek can tell something's wrong, can feel it in him. He looks across the classroom to Laura, wondering if she feels it too. Her face is a mask of worry. Her eyes meet his and they both know. They know something is terribly wrong. The pack is in trouble and the instinct to protect is overwhelming.

So when the bell finally rings, they are the first out of their seats, the first to peel out of the parking lot. The 1995 black Camaro is being pushed to the limit by Laura's unrelenting foot but soon they see the smoke and the call is made. It's frantic and quick but it's all Laura has time for before they're pulling up to their home. He can already hear the sirens wailing in the distance.

The house is being devoured by flames and Derek's pushing from the car, desperate to help, to save. Laura's there though, pulling him back. She has more control over her wolf than he though even her nails are sharp at the ends. He however is fully shifted, instinct and fear driving him. Only his sister's strong hands keeping him in place.

The sounds of screams fill their ears and the smell of burning flesh burns through their noses. But it tells them where to go so Laura grabs his arm and drags him to the side of the house. The little basement window blocked by bars is there and hands are grasping at the bars as smoke and ash burst out. It stings his eyes, partially blinding him and his lungs are burning after each inhale. Wolfsbane. He had been taught to know the scent and it was definitely there. And it was killing his family.

They both ignore the pain it causes and grip the bars, pulling with all their strength until it relents and breaks free. It's only big enough for a child but almost immediately they see Cloe being lifted towards the opening. Hands push her through and they pull her to safety but he can tell it's too late. Her breath is too shallow, heartbeat too weak. Her eyes are wide and terrified and he can only watch helplessly as his 5 year old sister takes her last shuddering breath, hands still clinging to him and Laura.

There are cries from inside as the werewolves hear the lack of a heartbeat. But Derek is still too panicked, too completely frightened to let it sink in. He can smell death though and not just Cloe. He knows others are dead inside.

His father's voice draws back his attention and he crawls back over to the small opening. He's trying not to breath but his heart is hammering and his lungs are burning and he's too panicked to try very long.

His mother catches his hand and just like that, he and Laura are grasped by as many hands as can make it to them. They all start talking at once, frantic voices smashed together and urgent words overlapping. He can only catch them here and there.

"Take care of your brother."

"Take care of each other."

"-away from hunters."

"Be good Derek."

"Protect-Stay with each other."

Hands were starting to slip away as more of his family fell to the power of the flames. He struggled to hear them all and keep up with what they were saying.

"I love you little bro."

"Leave Beacon Hills."

"Take care of him."

"We love you."

"Stay together."

"Remember what we taught you."

"Find a safe place."

"Don't let them separate you."

"It's going to be you Laura."

"Don't lose yourself to revenge."

"Promise me."

"We love you."

Promises are made and voices are raw but they do whatever they can to reassure their family as more hands slip away until even their father, their alpha, is taken by the flames. That's when it sinks in, reality crashing on him. His family is gone, his pack gone. The overwhelming pain spreading through his chest makes it hard to breath. He can feel his nails going blunt and features returning to normal as he stumbles away from what is left of his family's remains, the fire still raging on.

Laura grabs him gently, starting to pull him away towards the fire trucks that just pulled in but he digs his heels in. He doesn't want to leave them. A whimper escapes him as he looks to the opening, now covered in flames. Laura persists and his eyes land on Cloe. He bends and carefully lifts her into his arms, looking to Laura. Her eyes are pained and there are still tears on her cheeks but her jaw is set and he knows it's for him. He knows she's trying to be strong for him so the least he can do is be strong for her. So he squares his shoulders and does his best to fight the raw agony pulsing through him as they start for the fire trucks.

* * *

It's only later, after hours at the police station that he gets some time alone. The Sheriff is letting them sleep at his house for the night and he's in the guest bathroom trying to sort through things when it hits him. It's only then he remembers smelling Kate at the house. He didn't think anything of it at the time because he was used to smelling Kate's scent but never at his house. He had never taken her there before. His heart sank as pieces started to fit together.

He's frantic as he runs from the house, telling Laura he needs to take a walk. He knows she knows where he's going but she has no clue why. He runs to Kate's house, climbing in through the open window to find her sitting there waiting, crossbow resting in her lap.

His heart sinks even further. "You?" he asks, shoulders slumped and pain evident in his eyes. She only smirks, an evil glint in her eye.

"What? Did you actually think I loved you?" She laughs and the sound makes bile rise to his throat. "Oh honey you poor thing. You had no clue." His face contorts in pain and he's struggling to stay on two feet, knees feeling wobbly. This only widens her smirk and if he wasn't in so much pain, betrayal topping, he'd lash out, use his fangs and claws to avenge his family. But he's too broken, the pain still too raw so he only takes a step back, towards the window.

"So what did they tell you while they were dying? Did they tell you how disappointed they were? How much they despised you for what you had done? That their blood was on your hands? That it was all your fault?" He flinches, taking another stumbling step back. Kate only stood to follow. "Or did you just get to hear their agonized screams for help while they slowly turned to ash?"

"Stop. Just stop." He pleads, his voice raw and weak, body trembling as her words cut him open further, carving wounds too deep to recover from.

"Or did you get there too late? Did you only get to see their scorched corpses? The corpses you caused?"

He roars, eye flashing electric blue and baring his lengthened fangs at her, claws extended at his side. He can get to her before she has the chance to grab the crossbow she'd placed on her desk but as he reaches for her, he stops. Because she's right and he knows it. It is his fault.

He's out the window and in the woods before she even has a chance to comprehend. His chest is heaving, breaths coming rapid and ragged. He's shaking, trembling from head to toe. It's his own fault his family is dead. _His fault_. He should have ripped her apart but he couldn't. If there's anyone he should blame, it's himself. If there's anyone to hate, he knows it's himself also. He will never permit himself forgiveness. He doesn't deserve it. Just as his family didn't deserve to die. He'd take their place any day. Pick the most torturous way to die, multiply it by a hundred and give it to him. He'd happily take it if it meant his family could have their lives back.

He realizes this might just be worse than dying, living through everyday knowing what he's done, the lives he's cost. In a way he doesn't deserve death. He deserves the agony he's bound to live through. He doesn't deserve what precious family he has left. Laura, his sister and Peter, his uncle, who he had found out somehow survived the fire. He doesn't deserve either of them.

Neither of them knows the truth. He knows for a fact Laura doesn't and if Peter does, he's not in the state to tell it. He'll never tell them either. He doesn't want them to hate him like he hates himself. He knows he deserves it but he needs them. Laura at least since Uncle Peter was liable to never gain consciousness again.

So he makes up his mind right there. He'll do anything to keep the truth from Laura. They'll leave Beacon Hills tonight because he knows he can persuade her. They'll find some place relatively safe and as soon as he even thinks a threat is around, they'll leave. So by protecting himself, he'll be protecting her too.

* * *

Its years later when he's sitting on their couch, staring down at the plane ticket in his hands. As soon as Laura walks in and sees him, he hears her sigh. His back is to her but he knows the smile has dropped from her face. "You're not going." He says calmly, not even turning towards her.

She drops her stuff on the floor and walks towards him. "Yes I am. I need to know." His heart picks up a notch before he calms. He knows what she's talking about. It's about Peter, not the fire but it still worries him. She can't go back to Beacon Hills. She could find out.

He can't let her find out. "No." He can practically hear her roll her eyes so he tries again. "What if it's a trap?" Her hands rest on his shoulders and he glances back at her as her fingers squeeze, trying to reassure.

She smiles sweetly at him. "It's not and I'll be fine." He can tell she isn't going to budge and starts to panic. He can't make her stay. She's his alpha, not the other way around.

"I'm going with you." He says forcefully. If he can't make her stay, he sure as hell isn't letting her go alone.

She just shakes her head, smile still on her lips. "Derek I'll be fine. You stay here. There's no reason for both of us to go." He knows the real reason she doesn't want him to go. Anytime she has ever mentioned the place since the fire, he's gone rigid, heart beat erratic, and completely panicked. He couldn't help it. It was like a reflex for him. Only she didn't know the real reason behind it. She's thinks it's just the memory of losing their entire family there and that is still a big part of it but it's also because he doesn't want her to know exactly why their family was killed.

"Laura, please. Just let me come with you." He pleads as a last attempt but she shakes her head again.

"No. I'm going and you're staying here baby brother." And while she may have said it with affection, that was the command of an alpha, _his_ alpha and he wouldn't nor couldn't defy her. Her arms slide around him and her head rests on his shoulder. There's a whine trying to get out at the back of his throat but he forces it down, instead reaching up to grasp at her hand like it's his lifeline. "I'll be fine, Derek." Laura whispers in his ear, squeezing him tightly.

* * *

Derek drives her to the airport, walks her as far he can before pulling her into a crushing hug. He squeezes her until she makes a noise in the back of her throat and he realizes she probably can't breathe. He lets go and takes a shuddering breath. "Be careful sis."

"You know I will." She smiles and takes her luggage from him. They don't need to say they love each other. They both know and words are unnecessary since their eyes show it all. She gives a small wave and then she's gone and he has to take a few minutes to catch his breath. She's going to be in Beacon Hills in just a few short hours and he just has to deal with it.

* * *

Its days later when his gut wrenches and panic courses through him. His knees tremble and he stumbles to the Camaro before he can even think about what it means. It can't be happening again. He doesn't let himself think about it the whole way to Beacon Hills, trying to ignore the hollow, empty feeling in his chest. But he knows. Even if he's unwilling to accept it.

He's skirting just outside of the town when he catches her scent. He finds the old trail easily and parks before starting through the woods. It's hard tracking her. Her scent is all over the woods and he's getting more and more frustrated with each circle he walks in.

It's dark now and he's passed the search party of cops multiple times but he refuses to believe they're looking for the same person. When her scent is finally getting stronger, he starts running, frantic to get to her before the police.

There's a disturbance to his left and he can hear a scream. It's not his sister's but her scent is that way so he follows it. By the time he gets there the person is gone but he sees a lump in the leaves. Laura's scent is heavy here and he walks cautiously forward.

He's not surprised to see her there. He knew she would be so he mostly just feels grief. But what does surprise him is the state of her corpse. He's staring down at her but only half of her. She had been cut in half at the waist. It makes his stomach churn.

He knows who did this. A hunter. An Argent. It makes him snarl, eyes flashing as he starts to shift. He has to control himself though so he thinks about how it's his fault, hones in on his self-hatred, the rage that is centered around himself.

He feels it fade, the need to avenge lessening. It's his fault. Again. _"The corpses _you_ caused." _Kate's words ring through his head and he knows he has to add Laura to the list of deaths he's caused.

He drops to his knees, staring down at what's left of his sister and lets his self-disgust grow. "I'm sorry." He whispers, his hand stroking her hair as he starts to tremble. It dawns on him that he's completely alone and the hollow ache in his chest makes that clear. He's lost what little family he had left and it's _all his fault_. Again he knows he deserves it but Laura did not and for that he raises his head and howls. Howls out his pain, grief, self-hatred, and anger. Lets it all out. Because even if he is it his fault, he wants Laura to know he's sorry. To know he'll miss her. And even if she can't hear him, he hopes she knows. He hopes she forgives him.

* * *

**AN: Yeah.. sigh. So I hope you guys enjoyed it. Well idk if that's possible because it was miserable to write. I have way to many Derek Hale feelings and have no clue how to express them but I hope this got some out. Also if you want to check out my tumblr, (ugh I hope it doesn't delete the link again but if so check my profile. It's there) there ya go. My url is the same as my user on here. So if any of you have a tumblr and wanna talk or go crazy over tw or whatever, feel free!**


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